Hi It's Me 2015 or I Need To Sort My Life Out (On PRIORITIES)

And isn't that the question? Because haven't we all been there? Crying, face down, somewhere about our life prospects? And I don't want to ramble on about this because I get it, we are all in our twenties and we are all going through the "depression" of where trying to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life takes over every single conversation. I'm 21 now. And I like writing and I like being creative and film and I like fashion and I like talking. Cute facts that are great to acknowledge. But these facts do not take over my daily 24 hours. That's all I know to be honest.

And I don't want to ramble on again because my thoughts have rambled on for too long. I need things to be set straight. I need my priorities to be set straight. And part of me knows everything is not the way it should be. And there's no need to blame anyone for this, because my lack of maturity apparently already deals with that.

Why can't everything just fall into place? Why can't everything just work out? 

I'm not thinking clearly. I never thought clearly until now. And blablabla I'm not whining, I'm understanding what it means to get grey hairs (granted I have dyed my hair white) but we are all Beyoncé's answering in beauty pageants that our biggest aspiration in life is to be happy. And at the end of the day all I need is to take action and make a difference in all I've never done. I really really really really like the sun and feeling warm and knowing that nothing can bother me because I'm doing what I'm supposed to.

Come undone.

And drawbacks and excuses were you. And back in 2014 I never thought about anything but you. You are not the reason things didn't happen. But for as long as I can remember everything people in movies talked about was "finding themselves" and I never understood why that was such a big deal. I thought you were born you, a human with two eyes, one mouth, a nose, etc. What else was there to figure out? I'm 21 now. And I know what all of this means now. You granted me to find myself whilst inflicting pain. But that was 2014.

And it's not about love anymore. I'm tired of love. But I needed to address love because it took over a largo portion of trying to figure things out, sorting my priorities. And I was tired of being tired. But to be honest I am the only one that tires me out.

I wrote:
 "I drowned for an entire year because learning how to swim against the current took too long."

There's nothing left in me to feel shy about. And I know that being lazy and binge watching TV shows or thinking about finding someone who will listen to you no matter what are priorities that we prefer to choose in our 20's. But none of this is permanent. It's about understanding that we all want to stay students forever and enjoy summer because we like drinking and then go on and enjoy September because we go back to our routines. I'm out of that routine very soon. Not a student for that much longer and I'm joining in on the fun that is cringing about the prospect that it's easier to work in café for the rest of your life than trying to pursue a bigger goal. But I'm the one making that choice. I'm the one making choices. I'm 21 after all. I'm 21 and need to be mature after all. I'm 21 and need to live my life in a way that satisfies me when I look back at it when I'm 121 after all. Find your voice. Matter. And take up the battle by grabbing the horns of your life before 1pm. People my age might be lazier, but we need to think that the comfort of procrastination is cuter when you're having to push back that meeting because you won't be able to make it on time. Head over heels in the life your forged for yourself.

~PRIORITIES~

Set yourself a goal (life or anything else) and each day do something little towards it.

"what hurts?

wanting and waiting"

You can't have this define you, you can't have rambles define you. And all of our rambles stop here. Less daydreaming, more dealing with all struggles, making that change. And maybe it all comes down to taking initiative, purely sitting down and making a list of your unachieved wishful achievements and now finding a way to make them happen. You can thank me later in your millionaire 30's.

~Goals~ 

I can't do this but I'm doing it anyway.

Philosophical thoughts end here. Did I get my point across?

Maybe this is just the way it feels to me.

Later, 

- D